Run tonight was hard… unbelievably hard… I barely kept the tears at bay. The frustration was evident. I am so terrified that if I have a break and not go back again on the weekend I will not go back at all. Maybe I am emotional today I do not know… My mind would not switch off. I was obsessing on my ability to do this, I was obsessing on the fact I am not doing a training session this weekend. Overall, I was obsessing on my life in general. I started focusing on the fact my shoulders were up around my ears and that my breathing was all over the place. I just could not seem to cut a break tonight. Nothing was working for me it was as if everything was against this run.
I am trying to tell myself I did not fail. Nevertheless, to tonight I only ran 1.99km. The elusive 1 km until I hit 1st target, seems so far away and I’m struggling. That negative voice was back “ha-ha I bet you can’t run up that hill” and I almost believe it, I almost just sat my arsed down on the pavement and hope for some damn miracle… but I ran up that freaking hill even though it felt like it was at a snail’s pace. I seem too survived tonight but saying to myself if I ran another 10 steps I would be okay, that mantra was repeated until finally I began to slowly believe it again.
It does not matter that at this moment every part of my body is throbbing, the positive is I ran.
I want to say thanks to Jodes and her constant support of me and this challenge…And for picking up the pieces tonight. She always listens and of course checks out my run maps after each attempt. She reminds me constantly that she believes in me and has no doubt in my ability to achieve the goals I have set for myself. So apart from doing this for myself, I am going to say I am also doing this for my amazing supportive cheerleader. You Rock and no I’m still not telling you the song until I reach 3km!!
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